User:Lolcatistan/Argosy copypastas/Koko kill list

The list

1.	Make her watch Aaron Show episodes over & over & over... 2.	Make her gargle broken glass. 3.	Get Nicole-sized mannequins and fill them with razor blades. (kinda like the razored apple Halloween trick!) 4.	Get her to read "The Canonical List of Blonde Jokes" to a room full of feminists. 5.	Send her to Sea World to see Shamu -enough said 6.	Drop her from a bridge onto the in-bound lane of the Boston Expressway. 7.	Slap some antlers on her head and send her into the woods during November. 8.	Move every third molecule 3 feet to the left until she closely resembles Picasso's "Guernica". 9.	Nail her feet to her shoulders and use her as the Jamaican bobsled in the 2002 Winter Olympics. 10.	Hollow her out and fill her with Bac-o-bits, use as Swiss Colony store display model. 11.	Cryogenically freeze her, then cut out shamrock shaped pieces of her body, dye green, and use as lapel pins for St. Patrick's Day. 12.	Shoot her. 13.	"Koko, I would like you to meet Dr. Kevorkian...." 14.	Let her be a guest on Geraldo...let the one armed, Vietnamese, lesbian, bigamist rip her arms off. 15.	Donate her body to science...early. 16.	Well, just call my cousins Guido and Vinnie and tell them that you kinda placed $200 in a bag under the rock in the park....mention the fact that you would _love_ to have Koko’s knee-caps as conversation pieces. 17.	Ask the owl in the tree, "How many layers of skin does it take to get to the middle of a Koko?" Peel off layers of skin one at a time. 18.	Get her to show her friends how to make and set off pipe bombs. 19.	Have her magically turn her house into a vacuum ... watch her body explode. 20.	Strip off her flesh, bury the bones in your back yard, and then dig them up, a piece at a time, selling them to your nearest natural history museum. A humanoid cat skeleton would be worth a fortune! Death to Koko for fun AND profit! 21.	Put her in Straight-Jacket (really tough & leathery). 22.	Put her in one of those inflated bounce amusement park things for a year or so... 23.	Prepare her as food in any number of ways (deep fried and breaded is my personal favourite) then grind up her bones for fertilizer. Sell food to an enemy. Watch enemy become Koko. Then repeat the process as many times as you like... 24.	Sew her lips to her asshole. 25.	Take her into space and put her into a decaying orbit. 26.	Cut her up with a dull chain-saw. 27.	Toss her into a blast furnace. 28.	Make her a referee in an NHL game. 29.	Tell the kids of the world that Koko wants you to eat your vegetables. 30.	Write a "101 Uses for a Dead Japanese Calico Cat" book. 31.	Make her listen to Jesse Jackson. 32.	Put her in a guillotine; put the rope holding up the blade in her mouth and then beat her ass with a jagged piece of metal until she screams. 33.	Put her on the Starship Enterprise. Make her go up to Worf and ask him if it's true that all Klingons are really wimps. 34.	Dip her in tar (anything sticky will do), cover her with hundred-dollar bills and throw her into a pit full of lawyers... 35.	Cut open her gut until the entrails lie splayed out on the floor. Don't give her a needle and thread. 36.	Tie her down in the middle of the Sahara Desert and let the vultures have her. I am not sure that is a good idea because we don't need to be that cruel to the vultures. 37.	Duct tape her to a street light in South Central L.A. If we are lucky, she will be shot in a drive by! 38.	There is the old "Cement Overshoes", but that could be considered water pollution. 39.	Make her write, "I will not be a demon sent from the lowest depths of hell" 100 times with a piece of chalk only 1/4 inch long. 40.	Lob a can of Nitro-nine under her furry butt. 41.	Bury all but her head in an anthill. Cover with honey. See how effective that torture method *really* is. 42.	Shark bait. (Need to cut her up a little first...) 43.	Let her take the place of a car crash dummy. 44.	Have her clean up toxic waste/nuclear radiation sites, without environmental gear. 45.	Let her have a loooong visit in the Marinaras Trench. 46.	Have her stand under the space shuttle during the next launch. 47.	Send her to inspect an underground nuclear test site, minutes before the next test. 48.	Send her to Somalia as famine relief. 49.	Target practice. 50.	Send her on a candlelight tour of the Wilson Dynamite factory. 51.	Pack her parachute all wrong and push her out of an airplane. Then throw the chute after her. 52.	Use her for testing Ginsu knives with Mrs. Harding helping out. 53.	Get her to neuter a Pit-Bull Terrier. 54.	Cruise missile target. 55.	Plutonium enema. 56.	"Charlie Manson? This is your new cell-mate." 57.	Send her to Miami in a rented car. 58.	Lock her in a room with 10 rabid raccoons. 59.	Send her on a walking tour of the La Brea Tar Pits. 60.	Make her become a politician in Mexico. 61.	Take her bungee jumping. Forget to secure bungee cord. 62.	Poke her in the belly. With an ice pick. See if she laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy. 63.	Cast her in place of Mr. Bill on "The Mr. Bill Show" 64.	Cut off her tail, and watch her fall on her face for lack of balance. 65.	Send her to Loch Ness. Maybe Nessie will try to mate with her. 66.	Cut off her arms and say "Where's that 'great big hug' *now*!?!" 67.	Shave her fur. ALL of it. 68.	The Juice Tiger. It separates the Koko pulp from the Koko juices. 69.	Infiltrate the local stations and switch the "Aaron Show" tapes with "Beavis 'n' Butthead" and watch the kids burn her to death. 70.	Use her to insulate the steam pipes at your local nuclear generating station. 71.	Move the set of the show to an actual inner-city suburb. 72.	Let her visit the local jail, shove her in a cell and let the sex-starved convicts after her. 73.	Use her as evidence to prove that the acceleration of gravity is 9.8 m/s^2 on Earth. Oh! and make sure that it is off of the Sears tower too. 74.	Let her take a New York Subway at night. 75.	Use her head to plug up leaky dikes in Holland. (that is the water barriers, not the other kind). 76.	Use her as a bungee cord. 77.	Make her hug Madonna. (When she's wearing her pointy bra) 78.	Let her help put out forest fires. 79.	Teflon bullets to the skull, chest, and genitalia of the beast. 80.	Throw her into a combine. 81.	Bazooka blast to the cranium. 82.	Nuclear Bombs. Nuff said. 83.	Tie her up like a pinata and have small Mexican children beat it to death. 84.	Drown her in gasoline and then set it ablaze. 85.	Throw her in a vat of methylene chloride. 86.	Use her for an 18 wheeler's traction. 87.	Have her inspect the space shuttle's engines at T+60. 88.	Put her in a cage that houses 1000 Leopard Geckoes (irony is that they're mostly orange, black, and white too). 89.	Have her change targets at a rifle range... without ceasing fire. 90.	Put her to work at the Mt. St. Helens Close Study Station AFTER the next evacuation. 91.	Use her as a test subject at the Army's Biological - Chemical - Nuclear Warfare unit. 92.	Place her underneath equal quantities of iron oxide and powdered aluminum. (use lots of both... < 100 pounds... mix well, but carefully) Toss in a lit sparkler. 93.	Freeze her with liquid nitrogen, and repeat step 83. 94.	See if liquid helium has similar effects. 95.	Cover her in a mixture of 110 Octane AvGas and Ivory Soap Flakes. (mix until gel-like) You'll need another sparkler. 96.	Force-feed her potassium chlorate solution. 97.	Have her transported to Bosnia, where everyone over there can unite under a single cause for once in a thousand years and kill her! 98.	Microwave ovens work wonders. 99.	Tie her down in a chair and force her to listen to country music, until even SHE goes insane with all the sap! 100.	Have her climb trees near overhead power lines. 101.	Put her on trial for war crimes. She'll kill herself. 102.	Have her ask Fred Phelps about the good side of homosexuality. NOTE: Fred Phelps is the biggest Gay basher on the Earth. 103.	Let HER tell the baseball leagues they're not getting their raise. 104.	Tell her Jimmy Hoffa was a bad man and she should tell it to the Teamsters. 105.	Give her two bottles. #1 is filled with nitroglycerine and napalm. #2 is full of pepper. 106.	Tell the Menedez Boys she is in cahoots with their parents. 107.	Put her on an LA freeway at 4:59. 108.	Put her in Crip gear in a Blood neighbourhood. (reversible) 109.	Drain-O milkshakes. 110.	Have her apply at Oscar Meyer as "Hot Dog Filler". 111.	Make her wear a pentagram and send her to a Baptist church 112.	Virtual Realty KokoDOOM. 113.	"Gee Mr. Tarzan, I thought apes were stupid." 114.	Send her to a Buddhist Cafe and order the Filet-mignon. 115.	Send her to France and have her declare she's American. 116.	Let her drink the water in Juadalahara. 117.	Get her married to O J Simpson. 118.	Make her tell Rush Limbaugh he's a sissy. 119.	Tell her nitroglycerine can be made in a paint mixer. 120.	100 cans of JOLT and a titanium steel vault. 121.	Tell the NRA she supports gun control. 122.	Send her to a country western bar and let her play heavy metal.(reversible) 123.	A Black Hole. 124.	"Gee Mr. Barkley, I can play basketball better than you......." 125.	Make her run UNIX on a Tandy Colour Computer 3. (128k total) 126.	Give her the box from Hellraiser and tell her it's a Rubix Cube. 127.	"Can I have a drink of that, Mr. Socrates?" 128.	Enroll her on a 15 step program while on a 10 step pier. 129.	Tell her piranhas like to be petted. 130.	Fill her sandbox with quicksand. 131.	Shove a Q-tip down her ear and through her head. 132.	Shove her into a meat-grinder. (Don't actually cook the meat and serve it, though!) 133.	Lock her up in a tiny school locker, then shoot bullets around her, thus scaring the living hell out of her, then either let her die of shock and starvation or simply shoot her through the door (but in the gut! That way she BLEEDS to death, slowly, and painfully!). 134.	Infect Nicole with some debilitating disease, then, since Koko obviously has sex with her regularly, sit back and watch the fun. 135.	Inject her with all the chemicals that go into Hostess Twinkies. 136.	Pour equal, and large, amounts of ammonia and then bleach down Koko's throat( a funnel may come in handy) then stand back and watch the corrosive chlorine fumes quickly melt her organs from the inside out. 137.	Tie her under a huge magnifying glass on a real sunny day; you've made a new treat! "CAT-FLAVOURED FRITTERS"! 138.	Sign her up as the new drummer for" Spinal Tap". 139.	Give her a stack of "Save the Whales" GreenPeace fliers and send her to Rush Limbaugh's house. 140.	Peg 60-pound dumbbells at her until she dies. 141.	Lock her in a tiny elementary school locker, plug up the bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats (preferably creatures like spiders and centipedes). If you get tired of this get a gun and shoot Koko through the locker door. 142.	Make her drink fabric softener until she softens to death. 143.	Put her in an old car that's being put in the crusher. 144.	Introduce her to a pit bull. 145.	Stuff her down the garbage disposal. 146.	Mummify her. 147.	Give her drowning lessons. 148.	Nitroglycerin suppository 149.	Paper cuts from hate mail 150.	Wine press 151.	Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride) 152.	Clubbed by a baby seal hunter 153.	Exploding gas barbecue 154.	Rusty meat hook 155.	Pulp digester / Saw mill 156.	Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu 157.	Skydiving accident (Her concrete parachute fails to open). 158.	Koko meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...KOKO!". 159.	Exploding school bus 160.	Field trip to your local zoo. Koko loves to spread love and happiness to all of the carnivores. 161.	Children's Tylenol laced with cyanide 162.	Trampling by thousands of tiny feline feet 163.	Asphyxiation on a twinkie 164.	Bungee jumping with cord tied around neck (with static line?) 165.	1000 RPM merry-go-round 166.	Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road 167.	Tail caught in elevator doors 168.	Legalization of feline slavery 169.	Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulphuric, or hydrochloric) 170.	Add crushed glass to her granola or high fibre cereal. 171.	Thrown in a vat of bleach. (White Koko could become a symbol for white supremacy) 172.	Sucked into a turbo-prop engine (a jet would be more fun. 'after burners?'	173.	Replace the candles on her birthday cake with sticks of TNT.	174.	Swarmed by killer bees	175.	Calico parasites	176.	Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel (or is she the ring leader in disguise)	177.	Chopped up into pet food (Purina Koko chow)	178.	Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler.	179.	Assimilation by the Borg. (but they probably wouldn't want her)	180.	Acupuncture with a nail gun	181.	Hit and run at a school crossing	182.	Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens	183.	Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife.	184.	Harpooned by a whaling ship	185.	OOPS!  Koko shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full.	186.	Run over by a Zamboni	187.	"Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train.	188.	Crushed between plates in a fault line.	189.	Inquiring minds want to know...What is the tensile strength of Koko? 190.	Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study. 191.	Replace the powder in her Pixie-Stix candy with cocaine. 192.	Egyptian mummification ritual. 193.	Visit to the taxidermist. 194.	Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter. 195.	Forced to watch "The Wall" video without her happy pills. 196.	Give her a lead role in a snuff film. 197.	Tar and feathered by crazed parents. 198.	Bludgeoned to calico paste. 199.	Compressed to a singularity. 200.	Bent, folded and mutilated by the post office. (would be worse if you didn't write "fragile" on the label) 201.	Koko goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop. 202.	Heat pasteurization. 203.	Koko stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie. 204.	Put Koko in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT. 205.	Put Koko in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt. 206.	Confine her with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams). 207.	Use Koko as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases. 208.	Fix her hemmorhoids with the electric hedge trimmer. 209.	Feed her fish & chips (& vinegar - Acetic Acid) and top it with lots of salt. (H2C3 H2O ) +NaCl -> Na2C3  H2O   + HCl 210.	Send her to Montreal wearing a Toronto Maple Leafs jersey. 211.	Just wait. Congress will probably cut her funding soon, anyway... 212.	Send her to a cannibal infested island. 213.	Make her stick her head in a paper shredder, or a garbage disposal, or a lawn mower... you get the Idea. 214.	Use her as archery practice. 215.	Use her as bayonet practice. 216.	Tie her to the back of a semi. Drive over very hard surfaces. 217.	Tell her that lying in the road is fun. 218.	Send her to Spain for "The running of the bulls" (tie weights to her feet) 219.	Throw her in a shark pit. 220.	Throw her in a alligator pit. 221.	Put her in a blender and sell her as children's cough syrup. (Of course that would be cruelty to Children:) 222.	Make her listen to Preston Manning (leader of Reform party in Canada, he has a high pitched, squawking voice). 223.	Send her to Africa wearing KKK clothes. 224.	Send her to Cuba with a shirt saying "Fidel sucks." 225.	Give Koko a gasoline shower and then make her smoke. (Burn baby burn). 226.	Make her take a bath and drop a radio, hair dryer, microwave, and etc. in there with her. 227.	Put her on a NYC subway without an weapon 228.	Put her on a NYC bus without money(and watch what the drivers do to her) 229.	Send her Door to Door in NYC Asking for contributions to keep herself on TV. 230.	Lock her and Nicole in a cave with The Power Rangers (They both suck so much they should stay like that for ever until they are forced to eat each other) 231.	Strap her to the back of a Ford Pinto, then rear-end it into an iron maiden. 232.	Nail her down to a sidewalk, then get a bicycle and ride back and forth over her until she dies, relishing the sounds of her bones crackling and breaking like newspapers, seeing seams burst open in her sides and guts flying out them, hearing her final agonized screech before you crush her head with a tire. 233.	Shove her head in a floppy drive, then type "format a:". 234.	Make her sit in the passenger seat of an experimental sports car, speed the car up to an incredible velocity, then shove her head out the window and watch it rip off and bounce along the pavement. 235.	Lock her in a tiny elementary school locker, putty up the bottom slats, then slowly drop bugs in through the top slats (preferable creatures like spiders and centipedes). When you are satisfied with the number of bugs putty up the top slats, sit back, and enjoy hearing her howls and shrieks of terror until you tire and shoot her through the locker door. 236.	Send her to a Gay Pride parade wearing a shirt that reads "I hate queers". 237.	Make her bungee jump with a regular rope tied around her neck. 238.	Place Koko in a quarantine room and give her an injection of the latest Level 4 viruses, including Ebola. 239.	Paint her white and handcuff her to a streetlight in a housing project full of gangbangers. 240.	Tell Michael Jackson there is a little boy inside the Koko costume. 241.	Perform dentistry on her with a Black & Decker electric drill, using a really big drill bit. 242.	Force feed her Hudson river water. 243.	Make her swallow broken light bulbs. 244.	Force-administer her lots and lots of Barium enemas. 245.	Shove a beer bottle up her ass and smash it with a hammer. 246.	Burn her repeatedly with a cauterizing wand. 247.	"Accidentally" leave the heart defibrillator turned on, with the paddles superglued to her chest. 248.	Smash in all her teeth with a crescent wrench, then perform root canals and extractions of them all without using novacaine. 249.	Three-week old urine specimens. Need we say more? 250.	Souffle a'la Koko. Microwave or conventional oven. 251.	Locked in with the sequestered O.J. Simpson jury members for the entire duration of trial. 252.	Let her fiddle around with a magnetron. 253.	Toliet bowl cleaner and Comet forced down her throat. 254.	An enema made with a whole box of automatic dishwasher detergent. 255.	Dress her like a drag queen and drop off at a biker bar. 256.	Knock over the row of Harleys at the same bar, blame it on her. 257.	Koko at the bottom of an elevator shaft. Load the elevator with grand pianos, bring to top floor, and cut the cable. 258.	Inject with crank, speedballs, and opium; put PCP in her crack pipe. 259.	Large double-headed dildo, filled with strong acid or alkali, inserted into Koko’s bunghole and left to disintegrate. 260.	Strapped to medieval torture device, and worked on till mortality. 261.	Send her to a gay bar with a repertoire of the cruelest gay jokes. 262.	Send her to McHugh's Irish Pub with repertoire of Irish jokes. 263.	Jack In The Box cheezeburgers. Lots of them. 264.	Koko the Construction Worker.... oops! 265.	Stab with used syringes from the AIDS testing laboratory. 266.	Replacement quarterback for any NFL team. 267.	Replacement goalie for any NHL team. 268.	Koko bumper guards on any seagoing garbage scow. 269.	Replacement "Jason" on any "Friday the 13" movie. 270.	Send her out trick or treating in the bad part of town. Don't give her a flashlight or reflective clothing. 271.	The Koko Christmas Tree holder. Be sure to use frayed cords for the tree lights, running the cord underneath her. Water well. 272.	Test target for any railgun. 273.	Make her smoke in a cigerette lighter factory. 274.	Product tester for the Ex-Lax company. Do not provide toliet. 275.	Tank full of electric eels. 276.	Government LSD test subject. (Acid-O-Therapy) 277.	Koko. Warp core breach. End of story. 278.	Seal Koko in a Jefferies tube, release neurophosgene gas. 279.	Transporter malfunction. 280.	Lock Koko in a cage with Asian bird-eating tarantulas. Lots of them. 281.	Shove a paper bag down her throat. 282.	Make her swallow defective condoms filled with heroin. 283.	Put her in the pressurized chicken fryer ala KFC Extra Crispy. 284.	Lock her in a commercial freezer with an ammonia leak inside. 285.	Decompression chamber. 286.	Job as a process server in Harlem or L.A. 287.	Bicycle messenger in New York. 288.	Lance open abdomen to expose viscera, leave near anthill. 289.	Open heart surgery, "forget" about using anesthesia. 290.	Chainsaw enema. 291.	Shotgun enema. 292.	Feed a liquid diet deficient in iron and fibre, and let her die of chronic diarrhea. 293.	Insulin injections. Lots of them. 294.	Test target for a 40 megawatt beam of positrons and antiprotons. 295.	Replacement insulator for high tension transmission line. 296.	The Koko Ballast Resistor. (a little tight fitting in TV cabinet) 297.	Insert broom handle up Koko’s bunghole, and use as a toliet plunger. 298.	Wire her to hi-power FM transmitter and use as a dummy load. 299.	While she’s douching, rehook her enema hose to the vacuum cleaner. 300.	Replace all her golf clubs with lug wrenches and tire irons. Make her carry her own bag. 301.	Force-fed all the urine samples from the drug testing lab. 302.	Force-fed dozens of leaking flashlight batteries. 303.	Strapped down under a 2500-watt mercury vapour lamp with a broken outer envelope for 16 hours. Then rub in moistened salt paste with coarse-grade sandpaper. (Hint: Mercury lamps emit LOTS of ultraviolet) 304.	Band saw. 305.	The Black & Decker Clit Wrecker. 306.	Saw off her clit (genital mutilation). 307.	Put her in bed with Lorraina Bobbitt, Tanya Harding and Hillary Clinton. She will wake up the next morning with two broken legs, missing her genitalia, and without health insurance. 308.	Abdominal peritonitis. 309.	Feed her lots of calcium and baking soda. (alkalosis and kidney stones) 310.	Dropped in a launching tube with the 4th of July fireworks. Light the fireworks tubes with her birthday candles. 311.	Used as a urinator at a multiple-keg beer bash. 312.	Anthrax and rodent-vector hemmorhagic fever injections. 313.	Thrown in the moshpit at the next Metallica concert. 314.	Put on a pair of black gloves and O.J. her butt. 315.	Test out the new Cat-Slicer from Ronko. 316.	Cover with honey and show her how Nicole broke your Uncle Milton Ant Farm. 317.	Put her in a blender, heat to warm....Koko-De Jour. 318.	Two words "Koko Burgers." 319.	Put Koko in an espresso maker, Cafe Feline. 320.	Shove live rats up her ass and let them eat thier way out. 321.	Hook up a vacuum cleaner to her colostomy bag, set for Edge-Kleener. 322.	Crazy glue her anus closed, and force feed her five bottles of Fleet Phospho-soda saline laxative. 323.	Sharpen up the old wood ax and give her a "Split Personality." 324.	Shove a cordless telephone up her ass and call her number until she answers it. Call collect. 325.	Laser eye surgery, using Star Wars technology. 326.	Make her count the transistors in a Pentium chip. Punish severely every time she loses count, so she has to start over. 327.	Boeing aircraft crash test dummy. 328.	Make her do surgery on her own bunghole. Hand her plenty of dull knives and scissors to do the job with. Dip scissors in an unflushed toliet, rotting kitchen garbage, or other bacteria-laden places. 329.	The Koko Aquarium Ornament. After a few days, buy some nice pirhanas for the fishtank, turn off the light, and dump them in. 330.	Have her drive a UPS truck through the Chicago picket lines. 331.	The Koko Lightning Rod. 332.	Flatten with a steam roller, and cut out urinator screens from the flattened carcass. 333.	Strap into a wheelchair. Unscrew the brake handles, and roll off the top of a San Francisco or Seattle hilltop. In either case, she should hit water at the bottom. 334.	The Koko Toliet Seat Cover. 335.	Strap into a wheelchair, and roll towards the front of a large jet aircraft. Callously allow her to be sucked into the engine intake. 336.	Force her to write "Koko Death Lists" for all eternity. 337.	Cram her into a toliet tank and drop off a tall cliff or building. 338.	Force her to hand-spin the "disk" inside a hard disk drive. Punish each time a disk error occurs. If too many errors occur, cut off her hands and spank her with them. 339.	Substitute Koko for Principal McVickar in a Beavis & Butthead show. Repeat process until Koko runs out of clean pants and pills. Then let Daria and Buzzcut beat the bejeesus out of her. 340.	Soak her thoroughly and deposit her in Antarctica. 341.	Deposit Koko in Disneyland on Gay Day, and let all the queers hug her until she dies. Then put the corpse in Goofy's dog dish. 342.	Break her arms and legs and leave her at a Benny Hinn revival. 343.	Have her star in an Energizer commercial substituting for the Bunny, and have the guy lie about which battery really lasts longer. 344.	Replace the couch on Beavis and Butthead in the "Die Fly Die" episode. Replace it with Koko. 345.	Vaya con Cornholio. 346.	Make her eat chicken in Hong Kong. 347.	Pop fluorescent light bulbs over her head until she chokes on all that white powder and dies. (Wear a respirator when you do this) 348.	Throw Koko into an electrical vault. Water well. 349.	The Koko Candleholder. Let the candles burn all the way down. 350.	Put her halfway in an open elevator. Have someone up on the roof to cut the cable before she gets all the way inside. 351.	Feed her Ex-Lax brownies, then sew her lips to her asshole. 352.	Ben-Gay her genitalia. Tell her it's to stop "monthly bleeding". 353.	Shove a lamp up her bunghole, then turn it on and walk away. Be sure to use a 100W or larger light bulb. 354.	Strap her head to the largest loudspeaker at an Anthrax concert. 355.	Put her in a black Mercedes and send into a tunnel with photographers on motorcycles taking her picture. 356.	Replace the wrecking ball at a demolition with Koko. Wreck a building or two with this contraption. 357.	Dry-clean Koko. Immediately toss her into a gas fired clothes dryer, start it, and glue the timer knob to the machine. Run like hell! 358.	A .357 in the wrong hands works wonders. Jamming a lighted propane or acetylene torch down her throat also works quite effectively. 359.	Lock her in a suitcase and leave at the Denver airport. I don't think they've fixed their suitcase-eating baggage carousel yet. 360.	The Koko Diaper Pail. Give it to those people who had septuplets. 361.	Have her field all of the hate calls to Argosy Media for ever putting The Aaron Show (with the asinine Koko in it!) on the air to begin with. 362.	Insert seal bombs, cherry bombs, Roman candles and bottle rockets into all of Koko’s bodily orfices and skin folds. Connect fuses together and put them in an electrically-fired squib. Wire the squib to the smoke alarm, and then go burn some toast. 363.	Insert some Whistling Petes into her bunghole. Light the fuses. 364.	Clean up spilled gasoline with paper towels, then throw them in the toliet. Force her to smoke while taking a dump. Be sure she throws the match (or the siggeret stub) in the toliet afterwards. 365.	Jam full bottles of champagne down her throat. Set her on a really shaky or strongly vibrating amusement ride for awhile, then hit her in the stomach with a tire iron. 366.	Wind fifty strings of Christmas lights around her, then take her outside, set in shallow water, plug the lights in, then kick her over. 367.	Cut off her clit and shove it up her bunghole. Do *not* bandage up the stub of her clit. Force-feed warfarin teepz if necessary. 368.	Does a sit-and-spin on Darth Maul's double-bladed lightsabre. 369.	A pack of rabid Rottweilers. 370.	Used for radiation shielding. 371.	Pecked to death by a flock of blue jays. 372.	Satanic ritual. 373.	Accepts double dare to run across I-285 at 3:00 PM on Friday. 374.	Slowly lowered into a vat of sulfuric acid. 375.	Body cavity search with a lightsabre. 376.	Served up as Koko-B-Cue at Ewok banquet. 377.	Send her to Fenway Park dressed as a New York Yankees fan. 378.	Arrested by the LAPD. 379.	Ebola virus. 380.	Buggered by a Bantha. 381.	Sent to clean up a nuclear reactor without protective gear. 382.	16-ton weight. 383.	Blunders into an ED-209. 384.	Sucked down a black hole. 385.	Captured by Vogons and forced to listen to their poetry. 386.	Floppy ears get snagged in paper shredder. 387.	Drive-by blasting. 388.	Lies on a tanning bed way too long. 389.	Explosive decompression. 390.	A nice refreshing dip in toxic waste. 391.	Swept away by a flash flood. 392.	Ground up and canned as cat food. 393.	Dragged behind the Mach 5 through the desert. 394.	Thrown to the lions. 395.	Accidentally(?) stepped on by Voltron. 396.	Bantha stampede. 397.	Acupuncture with railroad spikes. 398.	Drunken ugnauts take her apart. 399.	Forced to watch every episode of "Space: 1999" back to back. 400.	Run over by a steamroller. 401.	Attacked by Daleks. 402.	Mustard gas. 403.	Cave diving with only 5 minutes' worth of oxygen. 404.	Barbed wire body wrap. 405.	Dropped into middle of a Southern Baptist convention. 406.	Gored and trampled by a crazed elephant. 407.	Trip over a waterfall without benefit of barrel. 408.	Hand-to-hand combat with Predator. 409.	Lynched by "Aaron Show" fans who feel that she ruined the show. 410.	Roseanne does the Macarena on her stomach for three hours. 411.	Captured by Cardassians. 412.	Bungee jumping with frayed cord over sharp rocks. 413.	Used as a crash test dummy. 414.	Death match against Robocop. 415.	One very large Ziploc(TM) bag. 416.	Sucked into engine of an L-1011. 417.	Slides down ramp covered with razor blades. 418.	Cruise missile. 419.	Dunked into liquid nitrogen, then smacked by Mark McGuire. 420.	Drain-O(TM) enema. 421.	Discovers that there are quicksand pits on Tatooine. 422.	Rides the NYC subway alone and unarmed after dark. 423.	Tossed into shark-infested waters. 424.	Put her in a Ford Pinto, then tailgate in an Audi 5000. 425.	Lead role in a snuff film. 426.	Clothes wringer. 427.	Gets her head caught in Anakin's pod racer and can't get it out. 428.	Fed through a wood chipper. 429.	Head used for hood ornament. 430.	Trampled flat by the Green Bay Packers. 431.	Used as guinea pig in AIDS research. 432.	Massage by Edward Scissorhands. 433.	Locked in cell with 50 sex-starved hardened convicts. 434.	Give her several balls coated with contact explosive and ask her to juggle. 435.	A stroll across an old rope bridge over a river full of piranha. 436.	Struck by lightning. 437.	18 hours of Metallica at 150 dB. 438.	Used as target by the US Olympic archery team. 439.	Joins a suicide cult. 440.	Flesh-eating virus. 441.	Re-enactment of the Spanish Inquisition. 442.	Silly accent drives Aaron and Sam into murderous rage. 443.	Walking tour of the Serengeti. 444.	Pitted against Mike Tyson (think about what will happen, considering the size of her cat ears--). 445.	Given LSD while standing on top of the CN Tower. 446.	Adorn her with rainbow jewelry and pink triangles, then send her to a skinhead rally. 447.	Tie 25 large tomcats to her, then toss her into a swimming pool. 448.	Tumbles into a Sarlacc pit. 449.	A very large Cuisinart(TM). 450.	Mad cat disease. 451.	Plutonium suppository. 452.	Mistakenly locked in with Hannibal Lecter. 453.	Abandoned in the middle of the Sahara Desert with no water. 454.	Stuffed in TIE Fighter that flies right into a supernova. 455.	Squashed in a trash compactor. 456.	Killer bees. 457.	Strangled by kudzu. 458.	Tossed into a blast furnace. 459.	Caught in a pyroclastic flow. 460.	Tell a New York godfather that Koko doublecrossed him. 461.	Buried up to her neck in a fire ant hill. 462.	Napalm strike. 463.	Used as an NFL tackle dummy. 464.	Run over by an 18-wheeler. 465.	Overdose of tequila. 466.	Falls into the La Brea tar pits. 467.	Duel with Darth Maul, and Koko has only a pocket knife. 468.	Earns the enmity of Hell's Angels. 469.	Used as a truck dock bumper. 470.	Celebrity Death Match: Koko vs. Barney! 471.	Thrown into the Raptor pen at Jurassic Park. 472.	Flattened by a zamboni. 473.	A weekend with the Addams Family. 474.	Lizzie Borden took an axe, and gave Koko forty whacks! 475.	Coated with asphalt and used as a speed bump. 476.	Cyanide in her food. 477.	Dentistry with a jackhammer. 478.	Buried alive in quicklime. 479.	Koko Goes to Hell! 480.	Used as piñata at Brookside City picnic. 481.	Lethal dose of X-rays. 482.	Transformed into a giant monster and pitted against the Power Rangers. (Maybe they'll destroy each other!) 483.	Forced to drink 50 liters of Coors Lite. 484.	Chopped up and made into space shuttle re-entry tiles. 485.	Mistakes a thermal detonator for a piece of fruit. 486.	Dropped in the middle of Antarctica. 487.	Pays a visit to the rancor pit. 488.	Yoda uses the Force to throw Koko into the council during practice session. (We finally get to see Yoda fight!) 489.	Accidentally eats poison frogs. 490.	Rammed by pod racer. 491.	Eaten by Colo Claw Fish in the planet core. 492.	Two words: Black Plague. 493.	Tossed over a cliff. 494.	Make her watch footage of herself until she pukes to death. 495.	Cast her in the South Park movie as Kenny. 496.	A date with Tonya Harding. 497.	Battles Stone Cold Steve Austin in a fight to the death. 498.	Put her in a bag with 20 angry skunks. 499.	Crushed by an Imperial Walker. 500.	Fed to Audrey II (Little Shop of Horrors). 501.	Goes into Los Angeles Police Departement yelling "Messa, canna we alla get alonga?" 502.	Tell Darth Vader that Koko isn't afraid of his sorcerous ways and that she said his devotion to that ancient religion didn't help conjure up the stolen data tapes. 503.	Massive Hennig Plex (as in Nitro). 504.	Petrified by Medusa. 505.	Tongue gets snagged in the rear axle of a Porsche. 506.	Hung by her knobby little ears. 507.	Sucked into the Nubian cruiser's engine. 508.	Anakin lets Sebulba kill her. 509.	Forced to watch entire season of Barney. 510.	Put in same cell as Charles Manson. 511.	Insults Moamar Khadafi. 512.	Rip out her tongue, then punch her lights out. 513.	Dynamite enema. 514.	Drip acid into her eyes and ears. 515.	Cover her in honey and send her into a cave full of bears. 516.	Tie a steak around her neck and lock her in a room with wolverines that are high on angel dust. 517.	Back surgery with a can opener. 518.	Colonel Sanders deep fries Koko, and feeds her to Nicole with a side of mashed potatoes. 519.	Eaten by "Fat Bastard." 520.	Guest appearance on the "Itchy and Scratchy Show." 521.	Gets adopted by a Disney family (would drive her to suicide). 522.	Has an argument with Nanette and gets put on the "Jerry Springer Show." 523.	Drop-kicks a porcupine. 524.	Gets her tongue stuck to the side of a Saturn 5 rocket right before lift-off. 525.	Chest burster from the Alien movies. 526.	Drawn and quartered by pod racers. 527.	Ultimate Fighting match with Sebulba. 528.	Annoys Emperor Palpatine. 529.	Queen Amidala repeatedly kicks her in the crotch. 530.	Sent out to make some new Tusken Raider friends. 531.	Kidnapped by Jawas. 532.	Offer Boba Fett a bounty for her head. 533.	Strangled by her own tongue. 534.	Crushed by one of Queen Amidala's costumes. 535.	"Accidentally" killed by the Gungans during the droid battle. 536.	Massive brain hemorrhage. 537.	Meteor strike (hey, it could happen). 538.	Shot by hunters for her ears. 539.	Her only brain cell dies. 540.	Fatal case of explosive diarrhea. 541.	Cast as an extra in Saving Private Ryan - oops, the fire they use wasn't created by Rotanimation. 542.	Sent to a sleep-over with Michael Jackson. "I feel so icky!" 543.	Repeatedly used as a fly swatter by Hercules. 544.	Caught in a colossal lemming stampede. 545.	Ears, arms and head plucked off by infuriated Wookiee. 546.	Mistakes a Tribble for a piece of fruit. 547.	Mugged by a multicultural group she secretly represents, because of the obvious stereotyping that Ellen Peck uses as inspiration for her cats. 548.	Tell Darth Maul that Koko had been talking crap about him for weeks. 549.	Stick her up to her neck in dirt, then run over her head with a riding lawnmower. 550.	Nicole is ordered by her parents to rid herself of all that is pathetic, and she does. 551.	Obi-Wan discovers that Jedi can de-atomize things with their telekinetic powers, test subject please, "You mean I’m gonna split?" 552.	Thrown into a pit filled with ravenous hamsters. 553.	Lethal jinx put on her. 554.	Walks into a Koko Must Die convention. 555.	Send her to any average American High School. 556.	Skin her alive and drag her through salt water at 100 kph. 557.	Forced to watch the Teletubbies until her brain explodes. 558.	Gets splattered on a naboo fighter just as they launch. 559.	Tie her tongue to a guillotine, then put a bowl of fruit on top of the guillotine. 560.	Have her plaster the Danish Muhammad cartoons all over Riyadh. 561.	Stake her out in a room full of real-life cats that are high on catnip. 562.	Tries to unjam a blaster rifle. 563.	Hit by a hover tank. 564.	Caught in the middle of a dogfight between Rebel X-Wings and Imperial Tie Fighters. 565.	Arrested by Mace Windu for sexual harassment. 566.	Put in front of a firing squad of Stormtroopers. 567.	Mistakes the blade of a light saber for a giant piece of candy. 568.	50,000 volt electroshock therapy. 569.	Anal probe with a power saw. 570.	Open heart surgery without anesthetic. 571.	Leave her, bound and gagged, outside the door of a bondage night club with a sign around her neck that says, "I'm ticklish." 572.	Cast her as the wacky next-door neighbor in the next "Texas Chainsaw Massacre" sequel. 573.	Stick her in the clothes dryer with your old smelly sneakers for an hour on high heat. 574.	Bury her under an avalanche of Star Wars action figures. 575.	Put her on the Animaniacs show--in a guest spot with Slappy the Squirrel. 576.	Her tongue gets snagged in a blender. 577.	Food dehydrator. 578.	Mercury flame. 579.	Gets in a water fight in which everybody else is using acid and only she has water. 580.	Devoured by scarab beetles. 581.	Tie her up to a pole and let everyone who saw the show and hated her stick one pin anywhere they choose. 582.	Magnifying glass and direct sunlight. 583.	Her hand is possessed and attacks her. 584.	Tells Obi-Wan that he looks like a girl with a braid in his hair. 585.	Have her parachute, but replace her 'chute with a bag full of fruit (at least she can have a last meal). 586.	Handcuff her to Emperor Palpatine during Episode VI. 587.	Tie her to the back windshield of a car being chased by police. 588.	Have her tell Chewbacca he looks like Cousin It from the Addams Family. 589.	Force her to pop the bubbles guarding the Gungan City. 590.	A relaxing hot bath in an active volcano. 591.	Asks Darth Maul how his lightsabre works. 592.	Stoned to death by jealous Ewoks. 593.	Buried up to her neck at the beach at low tide. 594.	Aliens abduct her and give her an anal probe that shoots fire when she farts, and return her to earth at the Acme Dynamite Factory after taking her out to Taco Bell. 595.	Put into the NASA astronaut training program, and is smashed when the centrifuge braking system fails and the acceleration button is stuck. 596.	Aboard a 747 that has a mid-air collision with a B1-B bomber carrying a live nuclear payload. 597.	Golfing with the Unabomer who tries out his new contact exploding golf ball. 598.	Gets food poisoning followed by a violent allergic reaction to Pepto-Bismol. 599.	Cut off her legs and sell them as giant chicken drumsticks. 600.	Used as shark chum for a National Geographic underwater photo shoot. 601.	Write a subpoenaed Presidential document on her and put her in the same room as Hillary and a shredder. 602.	Hung by her claw-toenails during a private LIVE concert with Hanson. 603.	Anakin catches her in flagrante delicto with Queen Amidala. 604.	Whoops! Jabba accidentally knocked Koko off during the race, instead of one of those little bugs. 605.	Throw her in that ship that ran into the wall while taking off. 606.	Zapped by Senator/Emperor Palpatine. 607.	Sucked into an interdimensional wormhole created by Nicole (allows for deaths that don't take place in the Aaron Show Universe). 608.	Infect the Argosy computer that created her with a virus that turns her from Dorky Ass Good Guy into Kick Ass Bad Guy (Darth Koko, any one?) 609.	Used as a Jedi lightsabre training dummy. 610.	Force choke-hold by Darth Vader. 611.	Flies an X-wing that lacks a heat shield. 612.	Used as a guinea pig to see what happens when something hits the Death Star's force shield. 613.	Electrocuted by R2D2. 614.	Cannibalized by Gungans. 615.	Explores the innards of the Asteroid Monster that almost swallowed the Millennium Falcon. 616.	Strangled to death by a grammar teacher. "If you say meesa one more time..." 617.	Cast Koko as a Teletubby and send her on tour through the Bible Belt. 618.	Ears caught up in tornado, blown to Oz, shown by Dorothy where those ruby slippers REALLY go. 619.	House falls from the sky on top of her. 620.	Stabbed to death with a spork by Anakin out of jealous rage over Queen Amidala. 621.	Put in the middle of the Daytona 500 race track with only a helmet. 622.	Tie her down and make her listen to the Spice Girls 24 hours a day. 623.	Make her parachute into the sun. 624.	Put napalm in a bowl of fruit and tell her to eat the fruit. 625.	Tries to drive Anakin's pod racer. 626.	Have her look in a mirror. 627.	Make her look at this list - it will scare her to death! 628.	Firmly grab an ear in each hand, and make a wish! 629.	Put her in the electric chair, and set the juice on "low." Slowly increase the power every two minutes until rendered "Extra Crispy." 630.	Tries to grab a piece of fruit that is too far away with her tongue, and rips herself inside out. 631.	Super glue her tongue to her ass, and force feed her laxatives. 632.	Place a fire hose up her butt and turn it on full blast. 633.	Send her to Harlem naked and wearing a sign saying "I hate n*gg*rs." 634.	Make her the front role in a George Romero zombie movie. 635.	Send her up against a Dire Wolf (Mechwarrior) with a squirt gun. 636.	Can you say "Colombian necktie"? 637.	Go Fargo on her ass. 638.	Cast her as an enemy in a Jackie Chan film. 639.	Tell her to go up to Robert Deniro and call him a sissy. 640.	Twenty hours with Jon Leguizamo. (Maybe they'll annoy each other to death!) 641.	Give her a before-death organ donor card. 642.	Ground zero soil tester. 643.	Send her to Area 51 (she may not die but we'll never see her again). 644.	Head instructor at kamikaze pilot school. 645.	Put her on an abandoned island with Serbian soldiers. 646.	Head land mine detector in Kosovo. 647.	Anti-tank round ('nuff said). 648.	C4 backpack. 649.	Plastic explosive jock strap. 650.	Feline anti Koko revolt. 651.	Crack overdose. 652.	Send her to the mosh pit at a Limp Bizkit or Rage Against the Machine concert. 653.	Chris Rock yelling, "You stole my bit!" 654.	Sharpen her toes and let King Kong drive her into the ground. 655.	C-3PO bitch slaps her to death. "Stay away from R2 you hussy!" 656.	Goes to vampire night club seen in Blade. 657.	Shouting "West side" in front of a New York street gang. 658.	Saying bugs are "icky" in front of Edgar (the Bug from MIB). 659.	Visiting Jurassic Park. 660.	Visiting Tokyo. (We hear Godzilla likes his prey "deep fried") 661.	Dress her up as Bill Clinton and send her to Kosovo and Iraq. 662.	Lock her in a room with the "A-Team" when they're pissed off. 663.	Represents the government in an anarchist meeting. 664.	Rip out her eyes, then send her through a minefield. 665.	Chinese water torture with hydrochloric acid. 666.	Inspects a great white shark's teeth. 667.	Tell Tony the Tiger that Koko thinks Frosted Flakes suck. 668.	Convince her to summon Turandot - there's no way she'll figure out the three riddles! 669.	Skin her and roll her in salt. 670.	As soon as Anakin turns to the Dark Side he draws his lightsaber, turns it on, and turns to Koko (nearby) saying "You know, you've always bugged me..." 671.	Accidentally puts a scratch on a certain bounty hunter's ship - and Vader's not around to say "no disintegrations." 672.	Eaten alive by a wampa. 673.	Run over by sandcrawler. 674.	Jumps on a bed and puts her head through a ceiling fan. 675.	Killed by the Crow when it is revealed Koko was the mastermind behind his death. 676.	Strapped to the top of a double decker bus that is then driven under a low bridge. 677.	Sub-Zero rips out her heart, then pushes her so she falls on the spikes below. 678.	Barbed wire death match with Mick Foley. 679.	Thrown through helicopter blades. 680.	Mace Windu gets medieval on her ass. 681.	Lots of crazed monkeys. Need I say more? 682.	Attempts to use that new Acme product Wyle E. Coyote was telling her about. 683.	Group of gang members mistake her speech for a threat. 684.	Forced to listen to N'sync, the Backstreet Boys, Jewel or Barbara Streisand for 12 hours. 685.	Send her to Pantek Arena after telling Rhonda Reinhardt that she engineered her kidnapping by the Carmichael clan. (Be sure to tell her that feline blood is exceptionally tasty!) 686.	Put in a glass cage into which one killer bee is released each second. 687.	Trapped in a giant hourglass. 688.	Made into paper to print apologies to everyone who saw the show. 689.	The Pear (a split pear-shaped device inserted into the anus and forced open). 690.	Made to sit on a red hot throne wearing a red hot crown and holding a red hot scepter. 691.	Mistakes a lightsabre for a Popsicle. 692.	Plays baseball with a thermal detonator. 693.	Force-pushed into a spiked wall. 694.	Get her piss-drunk and tell her to go tight rope walking across Beggar's Canyon. 695.	Goes to the Death Star and yells obscenities at Darth Vader. 696.	Cut her knee caps and make her walk stairs for a few days. 697.	Feed her some crushed glass and have Darth Maul give her a few gut shots. 698.	A few sleeping pills, take off the eyelids, and watch the fun. 699.	Russian roulette with a 9mm. 700.	Power outage every time Robert makes a new "improvement" on her. 701.	Dress her up as a large candy bar and lock her in a room during a Weight Watchers meeting. 702.	Spontaneous combustion. 703.	Yoda beats her to death with his cane. 704.	Record her talking, and let her listen to it over and over again until she kills herself. 705.	Put a red shirt on her and beam her down to a planet's surface. 706.	Khan Noonian Singh puts a ceti eel in her ear, then tells her to go annoy some Klingons. 707.	Stick her ears into an electrical socket. 708.	Forgets to wear an orange vest during hunting season. 709.	"Sorry, Koko, but there aren't any more escape pods!" 710.	Ricky Martin Marathon. 711.	Genital mutilated while watching Natalie Portman do a strip tease. The mental and sexual torture would surely drive her to kill herself. 712.	Dress her like a skinhead and send her to the ghetto. 713.	Tell "Stone Cold" Steve Austin that Koko thinks he's cute. 714.	Digested by the giant cockroach in MIB 715.	Koko tells Rush Limbaugh he's a liberal. 716.	Obi-Wan Kenobi "mistakens" her for a battle droid. 717.	Making fun of Alex Krycek's prosthetic arm after finishing a favor for her. 718.	Qui-Gon discovers that Koko is driving Obi-Wan to the Dark Side, so he spirit kills her. 719.	Denounced as an aristocrat in 18th century France. 720.	Pit her against Pikachu. 721.	Convince her to tell Lara Croft she's a sissy while she's holding her Uzis. 722.	A humanoid-cat-size microwave oven. 723.	Dropped into a vat of molten steel. 724.	Infected by a fungus that slowly devours her flesh. 725.	Put in detention with a legally insane high-school art teacher - because she wouldn't be able to shut up, she'd beat her to death with an easel. 726.	Blindfolded, then stuck in electrfied cage with the evil white rabbit from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. 727.	Bring her to a bagel store for breakfast, then throw her in the oven and burn her to death, grind her bones and feed it to a dog with bad intestines, scrape up the shit and place in flaming bag on porch, neighbor can take it from there. 728.	Send her to any prison. (If the inmates don't kill her the food will!) 729.	Have her "inspect" Galvatron's gun. 730.	Send her to a church wearing a Godsmack T-shirt. 731.	Sit her in front of a couple of giant speakers and play the Aaron Show main theme as loud as you can. (Or the finale of the 1812 Overture - those cannon shots will blow her clean to Garbeton!) 732.	Drop her in a pit full of Sharkticons. 733.	Pull off her ears and use them as a mouth gag, rip off her arms and beat her almost to death with them, and finally have Officer Volpe give her a few examples from his new book "500 Other Ways to Use a Common Toilet Plunger." 734.	Have her become Jabba the Hutt's new translator. (You saw what he did with his last one!) 735.	Have her become a stormtrooper (those guys get killed by the thousands). 736.	Send her to a Star Trek convention. 737.	Have her ask Slag to light her cigar. 738.	Tie her to a stake in the hottest part of Tatooine and cover her with cooking oil. 739.	Have her sit in Optimus Prime's favorite chair and hope that Prime dosen't look before he sits. 740.	Force her to watch re-runs of Road Rules and the Real World until her brain comes out of her ears. 741.	A swim through piranha-infested water. 742.	Stuck in a motel room with Bill Clinton after Bill has watched four straight episodes of Baywatch and has had a bottle of Vodka. "Noo mista presidenta...noo!" 743.	Make her the referee in a wressling match between Devastator, Menasor, Bruticus, Predaking, Abonimus and Pirahnacon. 744.	A nice dip in Lake Placid (if we're lucky the crocodile will be hungry). 745.	Send her to Somalia - the natives will be glad for the food offering. 746.	Jabba the Hutt sits on her. 747.	Mistakes a Lightsaber for a rectal thermometer. 748.	Rip out her eyes, insert them into her rectum, then torpedo her into sharp, scattered, hot space debris. 749.	Left on a life raft for 10 days, after which she sees a rescue plane that drops, what at first looks like a rescue package, but turns out to be merely a bowling ball that hits her hard on the shins. She continues to nurse her broken foot until a narwal impales her from underneath the raft. Able to stay under water, she survives long enough to get attacked by two lampreys and a carnivorous manatee with rabies. 750.	Cholesterol poisoning. 751.	Have her go to a frat boy initiation ceremony: "Hic...okey-day, one more...hic...drink...hic." 752.	Give her a "Chuckie" doll. 753.	Koko skin boots -- the newest fashion craze! 754.	Make her the newest character in "Happy Tree Friends." Sooner or later she'll die a horrible death. Several times. 755.	Someone helps her pierce her ears - with a railroad spike. 756.	Tongue gets stuck in a Pod Racer's engine. 757.	Put her in an all-black rubber suit and leave her in the middle of the Dune Sea. 758.	Make her wear four-inch stiletto high heels for the rest of her life -- her ankles eventually implode in on themselves, and she falls that whole four inches to the ground and suffers horrible head trauma. 759.	Scratches an itch on her butt with a lightsaber. 760.	A fight to the death with Obi Wan. 761.	Koko by herself, with no weapons, against a legion of battle droids. 762.	Finally has a purpose: She’s assimilated by the Borg and destroys their entire race. 763.	Hit in the cunt with Qui-gon's lightsaber and it comes out the other way. 764.	Xena uses her chakram to cut off her head. 765.	Gets a facelift from an elevator. 766.	Catches mind-rot. 767.	Tries to blow up the Death Star, but arrives 30 seconds after Luke. 768.	"A Dingo Stole My Koko." 769.	Peel her with a potato peeler. 770.	Drown her in the bilious fluid of every kid who barfed when she came on the screen. 771.	Have Shadowcat phase her stupid-looking ass into Mt. Rushmore. 772.	Pour boiling hot nacho cheese over her and send her to a comic convention. 773.	Put her in front of a microwave, turn it to full, leave for 5 days--presto, instant stomach cancer. Then wait. 774.	Fill her eyes with shards of glass, then move her eyelids up and down. 775.	Put a trenchcoat on her and send her, unarmed, to Columbine. Let the angry mob do what they must. 776.	Travel back in time to the WWF PPV, Over The Edge, and dress her as The Blue Blazer. The effects of this are two-fold: 1. Dead Koko, 2. Live Owen Hart. 777.	Jam one compressed air hose up her ass and one in her mouth. 778.	Koko’s new job: Rodeo clown. 779.	Horny midgets on PCP. 'Nuff said. 780.	28 pitching machines on high speed. 781.	Has sex with Eve from Species. 782.	You know those machines that butchers use to slice meat-- 783.	Slice her in two with the Gungan bubble shield. 784.	Send her though the middle of Naboo without a sub. 785.	Lock her in a Mongolian torture box. The victim is put inside with just her head sticking out, then the box is chained shut and placed in the middle of the desert. 786.	Jam onions down her throat 'til she chokes. 787.	Test subject for The Death Star's planet destroying laser beam. 788.	Pit her against Goldberg. 789.	Every other character in the Aaron Show universe gets to kidney punch her. 790.	"Kiss the curb, you lousy feline bastard!" 791.	Jack her into The Matrix, then kill her physical form. 792.	Powerbomb her from 30,000 feet. 793.	ODs on heroin. 794.	Tie her down and run 100 miles on her while wearing golf shoes. 795.	Make her watch Star Trek V 100 times. 796.	Cast her in the next Carrot Top film. 797.	Pull out her still-beating heart, and show it to her as she dies. Then burn the heart. 798.	Drill a hole in her skull and fill her brain-pan with liquid nitrogen. 799.	Send her to Sunnydale - Buffy will certainly mistake her for a demon. 800.	Lock her in a room with a knife, and play Leonard Cohen records over and over. 801.	Slides (as in Sliders) into a cannibal world with no escape. 802.	Plays chicken in the middle of a pod race and doesn't move. 803.	Young Obi Wan gets drunk, has a rifle, and is near Koko. 804.	Thinks she’s 007 and goes into Russia on an espionage mission. 805.	Darth Maul's upper half comes back to life and strangles her. 806.	Gets caught up in a street war. 807.	Gets into a Y-Wing in the battle of Yavin. 808.	While looking through the top of a lightsaber, she accidently ignites it. 809.	Gets stuck with Kathie Lee. 810.	Flips the bird at a biker - you know the rest. 811.	Dress her up as a New York Yankee and send her to Shea Stadium on free baseball bat night. 812.	Ginzu accident on Yan-Can-Cook. 813.	Have her do the Houdini water escape with straitjacket and handcuffs, except you lower her into boiling hot water. 814.	Put her in prison and tell everyone she's the snitch. 815.	Send her to Woodstock '99 wearing a sign that says Narc. 816.	Tear her ears off and beat her with them. 817.	Hire her out to Leona Helmsley. 818.	Make her Woody Allen's personal sex slave. 819.	Put her on the Judge Judy show (she'll bitch her to death). 820.	Genital mutilation by weed-whacker. 821.	Lights up a cigarette in the worlds largest natural gas facility. 822.	Trap her in a room with a show toon singing Rosie O'Donnell. 823.	Takes a course of Lucky for Life with Jack LaLane. 824.	Target practice for US special forces. 825.	Bludgeoned to death with the keyboard used to create her. 826.	Give her a lightsaber - sooner or later she’ll accidentally kill herself. 827.	Dress her all in red and have her fight a bull. 828.	Next time Koko’s hand gets stuck in a pod racer, hop in and see how far it'll tow her before her arm tears off. 829.	Put both Koko and adult Darth Vader in a closed room together and wait five minutes before the screaming starts. 830.	Use her for Imperial stormtrooper laser blaster target practice. 831.	Buffy the Cat Slayer! 832.	A Sleepover party with Jason, Freddy Krueger and Michael Myers. 833.	Let her have a nice chat with a battle droid. 834.	Skin her and send her out into the desert on Arrakis in the middle of "The Largest Storm Ever Seen." 835.	Or, if you prefer, have her run over or eaten by a sandworm. 836.	Over-runed by Dark Elder. (Warhammer 40K fans know what this means.) 837.	Driving in an old Russian Volga with a drum of good old nitro in the back. 838.	Proclaimed an enemy of the people by Stalin. 839.	Shot by Oregon hillbilly. 840.	Bungee jumping with a rope that is too long. 841.	Tossed into old sub bay (now used as a radioactive waste dump) in Nurmarsk. 842.	Foreced to reinstall Windows 95 over and over again. 843.	Killed by IR baboon who mistook her for the pesky weasel. 844.	Lock her in a room full of bird eating spiders and turn off the light. 845.	"Sorry, Koko, but we couldn't find a stunt double for you!" 846.	Dragged behind a landspeeder through the Dune Sea. 847.	Driving MAD tank in Red Alert, and gets sucked into cronal vortex. 848.	Used as a test subject in California experiment. 849.	Insults Leman Russ (another from 40K). 850.	Playing with ACME super handy dandy A-bomb. 851.	Both hands eaten by Philips CD ROM unit. 852.	Send her to Iraq and let Saddam do the rest. 853.	Goes nuts and jumps off from London Bridge after watching Austin Power's deadly dance. 854.	Head used for kickoff of Super Bowl XLVII. 855.	Plays Jumanji. 856.	Rammed by USS Nimitz while sailing her little boat. 857.	Caught by Cancer man and sent to Area 51 for experiment. 858.	Ballet dancing with a 500 lb woman. 859.	Falls overboard from a big cruiseliner after pretending to be Leonardo DiCaprio. ("Meesa kinga da world!)	860.	Put in Scream 5.	861.	Becomes FBI bomb expert.	862.	Rides a helicopter to negotiate with the aliens in Independence Day.	863.	Flies a super-obselete MiG during the Korean War.	864.	Killed by a frantic soldier in Saving Private Ryan.	865.	Ears used for tug-of-war between a Ford F-350 and a Chevy 3500.	866.	Attack by Jack the Ripper.	867.	Tries to escape from Alcatraz.	868.	Poisoned by carbon monoxide in the back of a pickup truck with a canopy.	869.	Tries to climb Mount Everest (or the Matterhorn).	870.	Put in Con-Air and meets Garland Green.	871.	Parachutes into dog pound filled with pit bulls.	872.	Sails the Bermuda Triangle.	873.	Smart bombs.	874.	Her ear gets caught on a Greyhound bus going nonstop Atlanta to Dallas.	875.	Heat Wave in Houston, Texas. (The humidity in this city is murder!)	876.	Encounters Colonel Kurtz.	877.	Becomes a matador in Spain.	878. Made a football mascot. 879.	Gets a job as stunt performer. 880.	Sucked under by the massive propeller on the Queen Mary. 881.	Put in the middle of the Florida Everglades. 882.	Flying in a poorly maintained Boeing 707. 883.	Shopping in Wal Mart during a big sale. 884.	Sumo wrestling. 885.	Goes space walking, and her tether snaps. 886.	Attends a soccer game in Brazil. 887.	Throw her off a mile high building, and see if those ears can make her fly. 888.	Give her a box of oil for her skin, but replace it with a box of compressed salt oil. 889.	She opens the black book in The Mummy. 890.	Open up her stomach and slowly pull out the insides, showing them to her, and cutting them up. 891.	Give her fruit stuffed with C4, and detonate it. 892.	Put her in a space suit, hand her a hand blaster, and float her off into space to fight the Death Star. 893.	Hire two bloody men to hunt her down, or better yet, make it a bloody hell. Who knows? There might be a series here. 894.	Have her sky dive, head first, into a force field. 895.	Goes up to the Terminator with a hand knife, and says, "Meesa kill you, nakid baby!" 896.	Dress her up as a rebel soldier and send her to an Imperial bunker. 897.	Becomes pen pal with the Unabomber. 898.	Made the stunt double for Qui-Gon in his death scene. 899.	Drowns in a pool of Boss Nass's slobber. 900.	Ellen Peck lays off the acid and realizes what she's done. 901.	Gets Jet Li angry. 902.	Adopted by the Kennedy family. 903.	Stranded on a big game hunting trip. 904.	Fools around with OJ's new girl. 905.	Disguise her as Bill Gates and toss her in a Linux/Macworld convention. 906.	Give her 3 million paper cuts, then toss her in a vat of salt with an oxygen mask so she can feel the pain as she dies. 907.	Slowly suffocate her with dirty shorts from any NFL football team. 908.	Watches Austin Powers for 24 hours. 909.	Pool full of leeches. 910.	Tells Courtney Love "Marylin Manson Rulez"! 911.	Participates in car wresling with a Ford Pinto versus a Peterbilt. 912.	Sucked into a Florida sinkhole. 913.	Plays basketball unfairly with Rodman. 914.	Opens a radiator filler cap on a Chevy Caprice that has just been driven for 10 hours in Los Angheles. 915.	Sliced by laser gun. 916.	Put on Mars without a spacesuit. 917.	Tries to imitate Tarzan to impress Nicole by swinging through the jungle and catching a lion. 918.	Put on an old B-52 loaded with TNT that nosedives into hard concrete. 919.	"Koko, meet Freddy Krueger!" 920.	Put her in a pressure tank and lower the pressure until she explodes. 921.	Bury her up to her neck in the middle of the desert, stuff her mouth full of salt and sew it shut, and sew her eyes open. 922.	Give her a blaster, tell her to walk 100 paces the other way then shoot, while you have to walk only 10. 923.	Convince her to try to jump the Grand Canyon. 924.	Gang raped by horny Klingons. 925.	Target practice with a shotgun. 926.	Zapped by Dr. Evil's "Death Star" one million times. 927.	Two teams of horses, two ropes, two ears. You do the math. 928.	Koko V. Velociraptor Steel Cage Match. 929.	Remember "The Pit and The Pendulum"? 930.	Liquid nitrogen enema. 931.	Stick sharpened pencils halfway up her nose, then slam her head face down onto a table. 932.	When Koko sticks her tongue out to get a breadroll, Qui Gon pins her tongue to the table with a dagger, then proceeds to rip out Koko's entrails, stuffing them into her mouth whilst screaming "Yousa want eat more, huh, punk? Yousa want eat more?" 933.	Attach "Ty" beanie tag to her ear, drop her into a Beanie Baby convention, and shout "She’s one of a kind and your collection won't be complete without her!" 934.	Ripped apart by handicapped people who think that she is mocking the way they walk. 935.	Drop an anvil on her. 936.	Dressed up as purple Teletubbie and sent into biker bar. 937.	Coated in chocolate and thrown into locked room with Roseanne and Dom Delouise. 938.	Thrown into fire pit by Dr. Evil. 939.	Used as a feline sheild against Battle Droids. 940.	Tell Sailor Moon she's an agent of Queen Beryl. 941.	Replaces Leia as Jabba the Hut's sex slave. 942.	Eaten by the "gentle" woodland creatures of Japan that she was annoying before she met Aaron and Nicole. 943.	Dragged behind a speeder bike. 944.	Goes to a Sith Frat party for the ultimate beat down. 945.	Shot by Greedo. 946.	Make her an officer in the Imperial star fleet serving under Darth Vader. 947.	Given a nice good shove off of cloud city. 948.	Becomes Watoo's slave (and concubine). 949.	Steps on a land mine. 950.	Makes a pass at Chewbacca. 951.	Blunders into a KKK/anti-gay rally. 952.	Anakin perfects the force-choke on her. 953.	Becomes test subject for new racecar seatbelts. 954.	Pulls a blaster on Darth Vader (just imagine what comes after that). 955.	Sent back in time to go for that final ride with James Dean in his Porsche. 956.	Mistakes Anakin for Nicole. Need I say more? 957.	Let Y2K take care of her. 958.	Exploding Handkerchief of Doom (I don’t know what this means, but it sounds cool). 959.	Dress her up in a new winter coat from Ralph Lauren’s "flaming thermoplastic resin" line. 960.	Cable stretched across scenic Koko bicycle path. Head goes one way, torso another. 961.	Force Koko to run through downtown Compton at 1:00 AM on a Saturday night with fistfuls of cash in each hand, wearing an extremely unfortunate T-shirt and screaming vicious racial epithets. 962.	Have Koko shake hands with Mr. Hydraulic Press. 963.	Encourage Koko to refer to Louis Farrakahn with the code term "my skank ho" in conversations with Mike Tyson. 964.	Strike oil using the patented "Koko’s crushed, disembodied head" drill bit. 965.	Hot lead enema. 966.	Send Koko to the Republican National Convention. Tell her to shout, "I’m a telecommunications lobbyist, and I’ve got plenty of money for anyone willing to help me strip-mine America’s public airwaves". Watch her be trampled to death in the ensuing feeding frenzy. 967.	"Cross-Dresser Koko Night" at the local maximum-security prison. 968.	Send Koko back in time to the French Revolution, wearing a nobleman’s powdered wig and silk pantaloons. 969.	Flurry-slap from "roid raged" Hulk Hogan after encouraging Koko to tell him, "Oh, pro wrestling is just for wussies, anyway". 970.	Convince Napa Valley winemakers that Koko is actually a plump, gigantic grape, exploding with flavor and sun-ripened goodness. 971.	Nail gun to the head from Norm Abrahms during frenzied, apocalyptic episode of "This Old House". 972.	Encourage Koko to write cheap, sensationalistic articles in Russian magazines depicting Vladimir Zhirinovsky as a crack whore, then have Koko sneeringly invite 10 of Zhirinovsky’s toughest, most fanatical bodyguards to her hotel suite for a "girl to girl talk". 973.	Encourage Koko to stomp the life out of French poodle at an AKC dog show. Describe "French poodle" to her as "that brown and black dog there with the narrow, pointed muzzle and long fangs". 974.	Have "The Beast" Dan Severinsen demonstrate his "flying testicle lock" to Koko during filming of Ultimate Fighting Championship VIII, "The Rending of Koko". 975.	Have Koko invite any given workman to her home for some repair work, and have her say, "Yep, I don’t mind if I have to pay a little more in the beginning as long as I can get a quality job done". Watch as she is crushed to a calico-tinged oil slick under the feverish biomass of electricians and locksmiths parachuting in from cities up to 3,000 miles away 976.	Convince Saddam Hussein that the dried powder rendered from Koko’s liver makes an effective propellant for anti-tank charges. 977.	Place Koko directly in the path of Rush Limbaugh and William Bennet, then whip off table cloth to reveal tasty assortment of pastries on the other side of the room. 978.	Richard Simmon’s new fitness regime, "Deal-a-vital-calico-organ". 979.	Allow Koko to become part of an energy exchange involving a lighted match, a roomful of high explosives, and the industrial pump lubricant employed as a hair dressing by new Japanese Prime Minister Ryuichi Hashimoto. 980.	Force Koko to watch the new SNL, or any television program featuring Dana Carvey. 981.	Incorporate Koko into a high-voltage test circuit to determine her resistivity. 982.	"Undercover wired Koko" at major crack dealers’ convention. Oops! Did we use a two-way mike, set to loudly broadcast "dueling Banjos" as played by Roy Rogers and Buck Owens? 983.	Pump Koko full of PCP, watch her tear out own stuffing. 984.	Get Koko a job as a middle manager at the US Postal Service. Encourage her to be an overriding, abusive bastard to that certain quiet, reserved mail carrier known to subscribe to a large number of gun magazines. 985.	Have Koko drink water from a fountain, which, unknown to her, is piped from the bottom of the 7,000 foot-deep Marianas trench. Watch as the tremendous pressure it is under causes it to punch through the back of her head like a nail gun through Saran wrap. 986.	Dispersal by agitation in a 10,000 rpm grinding mill. 987.	Pour molten Koko from the parapets in an effort to discourage attacking Vikings. 988.	Convince Koko that Richard Ramirez (a.k.a. "Night Stalker") is actually a conscientious young ophthalmologist who has developed a new method of retinal scanning using a darning needle. 989.	Convince Koko that the Secret Service loves practical jokes involving screaming, incoherent tantrums in which one or more loaded assault rifles are brandished toward leading political figures. 990.	Tape Koko’s mouth shut, allow her to breath only through her nose from a tube connected directly to the eye sockets of a tearful Tammy Fay Baker. 991.	Experiments on Koko skin elasticity involving explosive decompression. 992.	Encourage Koko to submit her new theory, "Jesus was a pickle-chugging Hanes grazer, and I’ll kick his ass any day", to the Spanish Inquisition. 993.	Restore "Koko baiting" to its former glory as a spectator sport. 994.	Determine Koko’s modulus of flexural compression at 3500°C. 995.	Send Koko out on a burger run. In England. 996.	Dope Koko with impurities to form a p-n-p zone in her pancreas. 997.	Force Koko to run through the streets of Tel-Aviv wearing sunglasses, combat fatigues, and a large, ominous-looking satchel strapped to her chest. 998.	Secretly replace their regular brand with Koko Crystals. 999.	Convince Frat Boy Koko that swallowing live scorpion fish is the hot new campus craze. 1000.	Conduct exhaustive clinical trials to see if streptococcus, invasive variant Type A, also eats the flesh of fatuous Japanese calico cats. 1001.	See how long Koko can stand having a rabid squirrel in her pants. While under physical restraint. 1002.	Jokingly ask Koko if she "feels warm" when you train the sun’s rays on her through a magnifying glass. As the lens, use the mirror from the Hubble telescope. 1003.	Invite Koko into your optical clinic for radial keratonomy using a powerful industrial dye laser. To do the actual procedure, hire a man named ‘Habib’ from the local 7-11. In a condescending, hectoring tone, tell ‘Habib’, "I’m in a hurry, and don’t want to pay a lot of money here." 1004.	Give Koko a gift certificate good for one anonymous sexual encounter at ‘Captain Smegma’s Early-80’s Bathhouse’. 1005.	Send a senile, abusive Koko to the Heinrich Himmler Old Age home, where they still know the value of barbed wire Depends and sulfuric acid rubdowns. 1006.	In a lecture about earthquakes, demonstrate the amounts of kinetic energy in play by giving a graphic live presentation of how shock waves travel through solid rock, as opposed to through Koko’s internal organs. 1007.	Use Koko to plug oil wells set aflame by power-crazed Middle East dictators. 1008.	Finger a shipwrecked, helpless Koko to Long John Silver as the author of the controversial new book, "Why Pirates Suck". 1009.	Invite Koko to give a political speech to a large group of Russian protesters. Before she arrives, skillfully whip them into a frenzied mob by convincing them that Koko’s head is actually full of delicious, high-quality vodka. 1010.	Send Koko to Montana. Ask her to tell any quiet, reclusive cabin-dweller she meets that "assault rifles are for fags, or for scumbags who don’t worship my personal god, Technologica". 1011.	Ship Koko to Norway for use as the test bed for a new type of electrified, explosive-tipped harpoon. 1012.	Develop a new ASTM standard for the combustibility of heating oil, as measured in "Kokos". 1013.	By way of empirical study, attempt to discover whether Koko would make a better cladding material for nuclear fuel rods than the conventional alloys. 1014.	Inculcate Koko with idea that Chinese government officials love nothing more than zesty, spirited monologues about freedom and democracy, preferably conducted in the vicinity of Red Square while clog-dancing on a portrait of the late Chairman Mao. 1015.	Connect Koko to an oscilloscope to determine her waveform characteristics under varying amounts of current. 1016.	New Asian aphrodisiac: ‘Powder of crushed Koko, fresh-collected as she screams in agony’ 1017.	At a mob gathering, convince Koko that highly-placed organized crime figures traditionally slap each other in the face as a mark of friendship and respect. 1018.	Convince Koko that it would be a good joke to pirouette into a Hell’s Angel bar wearing a lacy frock and squealing, "I’m agent Friendly from the FBI, and I’m here to turn those gloomy frowns upside down!" 1019.	Nitroglycerin suppository. 1020.	Dr. Kivorkian approved suicide/euthanasia kit 1021.	Paper cuts from hate mail 1022.	Wine press 1023.	Random act of terrorism 1024.	Dissolved in organic solvent of choice (e.g. 1,1,1-trichloroethane, acetone, carbon tetrachloride) 1025.	Clubbed by a baby seal hunter 1026.	Exploding gas barbecue 1027.	Date with Lorena Bobbit / Tonya Harding 1028.	Rusty meat hook 1029.	Pulp digester / Saw mill 1030.	Sexually transmitted disease 1031.	Lethal ingestion of bean sprouts and tofu 1032.	Skydiving accident (Her concrete parachute fails to open). 1033.	Koko meets the Terminator. "Hasta la vista...Koko!". 1034.	Gag exploding software box. 1035.	Field trip to the Toronto Metro Zoo. Koko loves to party with all of the carnivores. 1036.	Tylenol laced with cyanide 1037.	Sacrifice to a tribal god 1038.	Fed through a branch/leaf shredder (or office paper shredder) 1039.	Trampling by thousands of tiny spongy feet 1040.	Asphyxiation on a twinkie 1041.	Bungee jumping with chord tied around neck 1042.	1000 RPM merry-go-round 1043.	Building sandcastles in a quicksand box 1044.	Dragged behind a school bus on a gravel road 1045.	Leg caught in elevator doors 1046.	Make it legal to enslave Koko. 1047.	Home lobotomy kit. 1048.	Nasal spray or eye drops replaced with concentrated acid (e.g. nitric, chromic, hydrofluoric, sulfuric, or hydrochloric) 1049.	Add crushed glass to her granola or high fiber cereal. 1050.	Thrown in a vat of bleach. 1051.	Paint her black and turn her over to a white supremacist. 1052.	Sucked into a turbo-prop engine. 1053.	Submerged into a CANDU reactor 1054.	Swarmed by killer bees 1055.	Deadly parasites 1056.	Kidnapped by members of the Columbian drug cartel 1057.	Chopped up into pet food (Purina Koko chow) 1058.	Shintu massage as administered by a sumo wrestler. 1059.	Assimilation by the Borg (If Koko doesn't assimilate them first). 1060.	Acupuncture with a nail gun 1061.	Force fed pure sugar and caffeine until she explodes. 1062.	Koko meets Mr. Chainsaw 1063.	Hit and run in front of the Argosy Media offices. 1064.	Exploding in an industrial sized microwave oven. 1065.	Strapped to a shuttle launch pad..3, 2, 1, ignition! 1066.	Strapped to the heat shields of a space shuttle during reentry. 1067.	Brain scrambled (rescrambled?) by aliens 1068.	Body cavity search using a fish scaling knife. 1069.	Harpooned by a whaling ship 1070.	Dipped in liquid nitrogen, and "accidentally" pummeled with a baseball bat (guess they found the glass transition temperature). 1071.	Served as Thanksgiving dinner 1072.	Eaten by the homeless (Koko pate anyone?) 1073.	OOPS! Koko shouldn't have soldered that propane tank while full. 1074.	Mistaken for a Piñata. 1075.	Run over by a zamboni 1076.	The Aaron Show theme song triggers avalanche. 1077.	"Accidentally" shoved in front of a subway train. 1078.	Nuclear warhead explodes at ground Koko. 1079.	Scientific experiments on Koko sublimation temperature. 1080.	Crushed between plates in a fault line. 1081.	Blended into McKoko shakes, and pressed into McKoko patties (would you like McFries with that?) 1082.	Inquiring minds want to know... What is the tensile strength of Koko? 1083.	Used as a crash test dummy. Listen up boys and girls. This is what can happen to you if you don't wear your seat belt. 1084.	Koko becomes one with Oscar Myer. 1085.	Koko used as shark bait. 1086.	Used as a guinea pig in a pain threshold study. 1087.	Used in a TV commercial promotion of Ginsu Knives. Even after cutting this tin can, the ginsu knives rip through Koko’s flesh with ease. 1088.	Diplomatic mission with Klingons 1089.	Deep sea diving in a locked steamer trunk. 1090.	Nato air strike. 1091.	Live organ donor. 1092.	Egyptian mummification ritual. 1093.	Plummet into an active volcano. 1094.	Coated in honey and fed to the fire ants. 1095.	Conversion to sugar glazed junk food. 1096.	Quiet dinner with Jeffrey Dahmer. 1097.	Pilgrimage to the Holy land. 1098.	Tie her down and run over her with a steam roller. 1099.	Visit to the taxidermist. 1100.	Blasted with a Neuron-T-disrupter. 1101.	Take her off Prozac. 1102.	Forced to watch "The Wall" video without her happy pills. 1103.	100 hours of continuous "Black Sabbath". 1104.	Give her a lead role in a snuff film. 1105.	Tar and feathered by crazed TAS fans. 1106.	Spontaneous combustion. 1107.	Bludgeoned to red paste. 1108.	Compressed to a singularity. 1109.	Bent, folded and mutilated by Canada Post. 1110.	Send her to a Bill's game dressed as a Miami Dolphin. 1111.	The plague 1112.	Extruded through microcapilliaries. 1113.	Forced to spend a week with Bart Simpson. 1114.	Koko goes for a spin on a cyclotron. Too bad about the sudden stop. 1115.	Pre-mortum autopsy reveals that Koko’s head is full of worms. 1116.	Massage with a stun gun. 1117.	Heat pasteurization. 1118.	Koko stars in an Itchy and Scratchy movie. 1119.	Abandoned in a sensory deprivation tank. 1120.	Koko meets Elmira (I'm gonna hug her and squeeze her to itty bitty pieces.) 1121.	Put Koko in an old Star Trek episode, in a RED SHIRT. 1122.	Put Koko in a Star Trek Next Generation episode, in a gold shirt. 1123.	Make her the drummer of Spinal Tap. 1124.	Use her as a zap-o-matic target. 1125.	Paint her green & give her to Gallager for his Sledge-o-matic. 1126.	Paint her green & give her to David Letterman for a 10 story drop. 1127.	Confine her with Marvin the depressed Android (Douglas Adams). 1128.	Put a horse collar on her and abandon her on alt.sex.beastiality. 1129.	Stick her in a car with Ted Kennedy near a bridge. 1130.	Paint "Branch Dividian & Proud of it" and drop her off at the BATF hq. 1131.	Put her on a blind date with Tonya Harding AFTER she gets her new set of Ginsu(tm) knives. 1132.	Koko scrapple. 1133.	Bury her next to Jimmy Hoffa. 1134.	Tell Tipper Gore she wrote a program on how to masturbate. 1135.	Recreate the Challenger accident with Koko playing substitute teacher. 1136.	Use Koko as a test subject for exotic new nerve gases. 1137.	Hit her with a car.  1138.	Book her on an airplane who's new autopilot runs on Windows 98. 1139.	Grant her the privilege of being the first person to cross a new bridge that was designed using Windows 98. 1140.	Plant a bomb in her Macintosh. 1141.	Make Koko use Windows 3.1. 1142.	Get a bunch of pauperizes to follow her. 1143.	Spatial Anomaly. 1144.	Drop a VAX on her head. 1145.	Shove her out the nearest air lock. 1146.	Push her in to a vat of molten steel. 1147.	Attack her with nanites, have them remove her liver. 1148.	Hide unshielded plutonium under her bed. 1149.	Travel back in time and convince her parents to use contraceptives. 1150.	Swipe $10 from Koko, get Koko to chase you. Run toward a very deep canyon, but stop at the edge. Koko will zoom by. On her way down she will hold up a sign that says "yikes!". 1151.	Get Tim "The tool man" Taylor to re-wire Koko’s helicopter beanie. 1152.	Force her to take a shower with an electric eel. 1153.	Get her a lifetime subscription to the "addictive drug of the month club." 1154.	Take her roller skating on the roof of a very tall building, with uneven spots near the edged of the roof. 1155.	Aliens abduct Koko. Their space ship crashes when she tries to "upgrade" their systems. 1156.	Feed her to Barny. 1157.	Get her a lifetime subscription to the "unstable explosive of the month club". 1158.	Drown her in bean dip. 1159.	Drag Koko to the Recycle Bin. 1160.	Replace Koko’s heart with a mechanical heart, that runs Windows 2000. 1161.	Drop Koko head first on to a bed of nails. 1162.	Set Beavis and Butthead loose in Brookside City. 1163.	Put Koko right in front of a hungry T-rex. 1164.	Beaten to death by an enraged mime. 1165.	Packed in to a giant snow ball and rolled down the side of Mt. Everest. 1166.	Trick her in to walking through a mesh of high intensity laser beams. Look! Little bitty Koko pieces! 1167.	Choke to death on a nice, hot cup of java. 1168.	Bludgeoned to death by Bill Gates’ Active X controls. 1169.	Get her drunk to where she passes out. Before she wakes up, fly her to Briton and leave her in a car. 1170.	Shrink her to 1 1/2"  tall. Make her roommates with a hungry hamster. 	1171.	Stuff her in a dryer and set it to "extra-dry". 	1172.	Write the split-second control system for her car in Visual Basic 4. 	1173.	Put her in a rocket and shoot her in to the sun. 	1174.	Tell her someone dropped a $20 bill into a deep well. 	1175.	Shrink her down to the size of a molecule and hit her with a proton. 	1176.	Force her to do all her middle school work through "MS-Bob". 	1177.	Brain transplant with an iguana. 	1178.	Implant a device in to her that zaps her every time she tries to sleep. 	1179.	One of a kind, Life-size 3D Koko jig saw puzzle. 	1180.	An operation to surgically remove her wallet. 	1181.	Slap her silly with a concrete block. 	1182.	Tie her up in christmas lights. Dump a bucket of water on her. 	1183.	Put a Roto-Rooter up Koko’s butt. 	1184.	Tie her up in a white sheet and call Ghostbusters. 1185.	Choke her to death on the wide end of a spatula. 1186.	Pressed to death in a giant waffle iron. 1187.	Cut in to thin strips and used as fire lighter. 1188.	Prodded with Klingon pain sticks until her head explodes. 1189.	Expose her to that mysterious death fog that turns people inside out. 1190.	Transporter accident. She materializes with her head attached to her butt. 1191.	Switch her contacts with trick contacts that make everything look pixilated. Give her a gun and some ammo. When she starts killing people, call the police. 1192.	Lock her in a room with an infinite amount of pissed off monkeys. 1193.	Rewire her nervous system. Connect her ears to her legs and her mouth to her bladder. 1194.	On a vacation to a beach, Koko lets someone bury her up to her head in sand. They then run over her head with a lawn mower. 1195.	Fill her up with unleaded. 1196.	Goes hunting. Deer drive home with Koko on the top of the car. 1197.	Use DNA re-sequencing to clone an "anti-Koko". 1198.	The molecules in Koko’s body get bored and decompose in to hydrogen. 1199.	Mauled by a small yellow funny-ol' bear. 1200.	Ass kicken contest with John Romero. 1201.	Accidentally crosses paths with a disgruntled postal worker. 1202.	Have Santa bring her that exploding Barny toy she always wanted. 1203.	Inflate Koko. Use her as a balloon in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. 1204.	Freeze her in carbonite and use her as a wall decoration. 1205.	Pay the janitor to put some extra wax on the floors. Watch Koko sliiiide right in on Monday morning.... 1206.	3... 2... 1... BOOM! You sunk my Koko ship! 1207.	Sell Argosy Media a ten ton led brick. Put it on their Koko. 1208.	Slashed to death by a hyperactive paper clip. 1209.	Crushed to death by a hard copy of all of the lawsuits against her. 1210.	"Beamed" using 1997 technology. 1211.	In the future scientists will discover how to convert Koko in to a clean, efficient fuel. 1212.	Modify her screen saver to produce suicidal subliminal messages. 1213.	Freak foot powder / molecular inversion accident. 1214.	Pushed in to a deep fryer. Cooked to a golden brown. Served with secret sauce. 1215.	Liquefy, consume and regurgitate Koko. 1216.	Switch her deodorant with 2-ton mega paste. 1217.	Use sharpened circular saw blades in a fun game of frisbee with Koko. 1218.	Lodge 100 Linux CDs in Koko’s abdomen. 1219.	The ever classic stake through the hart. 1220.	Abandon her on an Elbonian mud farm. 1221.	Put her in the same room with Robbie the Robot. Robbie is pissed about how Koko "upgraded" his sister. 1222.	Koko plummets for 24 stories and lands in a pile of bullshit. 1223.	The next Comdex with guest speaker Koko, will be held in South Park. 1224.	Put Koko in the middle of a building that is about to be imploded. 1225.	A star ship beams her up, but routes her pattern to a food replicator. 1226.	Thrown at a canvas at over 300 MPH and used as art. 1227.	Exorcism. 1228.	New antibiotic that destroys Koko cells. 1229.	Lock her in a small room with Terrance and Philip. 1230.	Stuff her "Microsoft Bob" panties down her throat. 1231.	Dies of a heart attack after having a nightmare where everybody hangs out with Nanette instead of her. 1232.	Crushed under a collapsing set of bleachers while scouting out new territory. 1233.	Killed by her non-evil twin from an alternate universe. 1234.	Boiled in a huge pot of macaroni. Mixed and served with cheese sauce. 1235.	With no warning, Koko’s house is about to be bulldozed to make way for a new bypass. Koko throws herself in the path of the bulldozers. 1236.	Stuffed in a giant donut and left in a police convention. 1237.	Replace her nose spray with a mini-mega-suction-o-matic. 1238.	Beaten to shreds with the ceremonial killamajig. 1239.	Koko’s new pacemaker with a built in wireless web server gets mentioned, with a link, on Slashdot. 1240.	Thrown in to a pit of rabid llamas. 1241.	Cave-in while ass spelunking. 1242.	Squashed by a twenty ton gavel. 1243.	There IS no Koko. 1244.	Koko tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastiqe explosives. 1245.	Manufacturing accedient in Argosy Media’s newly aquired nuclear arms devision. 1246.	Soylent Koko. 1247.	Ripped to shreads by a flock of angry penguins. 1248.	Killed by a radation leak and brough back to life as a hologram - who's holo projection system runs Windows 98. 1249.	Throw a bucket of water on her and watch her melt. 1250.	Take her for a ride one of the Navy's new ships with Windows-powered navigation. 1251.	Koko’s attempt to start a new "Kentucky Fried Penguin" chain backfires as the penguins start an "eat more Koko" campaign. 1252.	Place a chip in her head that gives her an electrical shock every time a copy of Windows crashes somewhere. 1253.	Turns in to the space fetus from the end of 2001: A Space Odyssey... and is promptly aborted. 1254.	Impale Koko on a CueCat bar code reader. Or would that be in violation of Digital Convergence's Intellectual Property? 1255.	Ordered by Nanette to port Internet Explorer to the TI-99/4A all by herself. 1256.	Koko vs. Nanette wars escalate to using nuclear weapons. 1257.	Deny her oxygen usage request form R32B-432/Z. 1258.	Convince Koko to take up chainsaw juggling. 1259.	Giant cheese shredder. 1260.	Kokoskin rug. 1261.	Blown out a whales' ass. 1262.	Giant electric egg mixer. 1263.	Rover Retriever gets rabies and mauls Koko. 1264.	Install service pack on Koko. 1265.	Let Koko go on a moon mission - and leave her there. 1266.	Killed in a fouled up attempt by a cyborg from the future to assassinate the future leader of the resistance against the then sentient Argosy Sky.net. 1267.	When the day comes that all monetary transactions (even for food) must go through MS Passport - Lock Koko out of her account. 1268.	Fatal zipper explosion. 1269.	Killed by a mob of angry penguins on a trip to the north pole. 1270.	Koko is "open soured." 1271.	Koko tries out a new electric toothbrush made out of plastic explosives. 1272.	Hell opens up beneath Brookside City and sucks it and Koko in. 1273.	Ripped limb from limb by a Wookie. 1274.	Pack her in to a giant firework and set her off for the 4th of july. 1275.	Stuff her in a trash can and through her off a cliff. 1276.	Eaten by a dopefish. (burp!) 1277.	Killer dishwasher spots! 1278.	Died in a browsing accident.