User:Lolcatistan/Argosy copypastas

Over 1000 ways to kill Koko
Koko was a divisive character in the early days of the TAS fandom. This can be found on several Geocities, Angelfire, and Tripod archives, and seems to be a synthesis of at least 4 lists (“Kill Barney”, “Kill Squidward”, “Kill Jar-Jar”, and “Kill Bill Gates”). There is some duplication here as a result. Note all the references to other popular media (Beavis and Butthead, Star Wars, Transformers), as well as nerd culture (especially Microsoft Windows).

Several more ways to kill Koko
For some reason, the above gained a fandom with (some) Koko fans, who liked it for being “over-the-top” and funny. As a result, another list was created sometime in the mid-00s. This seems to have been written by an Uncyclopedia user. Note the mentions of “Internet-famous” Argosy fans, such as Kaiser Scott, Katie Racop, and Mark Terry. The list

She said, "It's really not my habit to intrude. Furthermore, I hope my meaning won't be lost or misconstrued. But Ill repeat myself... at the risk of being crude; there must be 78 more ways to kill Koko."

1279.	Tie her to a tree and shoot her in the head 1280.	Make her smell her own BO. 1281.	Shoot her, tie her to a tree and run over her with a Buick 1282.	Make her sleep with Bill Clinton 1283.	Make her sleep with a missile up her vagina. 1284.	Tie her to a tree, drench her with gasoline, and give her a cigarette 1285.	Put gasoline in bottles of wine, lie to her so that she will drink them, then give her a cigarette (spontaneous feline combustion will result). 1286.	Steal her skate helmet and put a live grue in it. 1287.	Shove her into a pit with a starved lion 1288.	Make her watch coronation street 1289.	Drop an anvil on her head. 1290.	Put a bomb in her skate helmet. 1291.	Nuke everything, everywhere, ever. Twice. 1292.	Strap a nuke to a skin head and tell him that the talking cat tied up over there called his mum a slag. 1293.	Tie her to a tree and walk away. Come back within three months to check if she is still there. Repeat until she is dead. 1294.	Shoot her 1295.	Pour petrol in her eyes and light it with a lighter 1296.	Force her to watch one of Osama’s threatening videotapes 1297.	Make her gargle broken glass 1298.	Convince her to date Jack Bauer's daughter. 1299.	Make her kiss George Bush 1300.	Draw a picture of her with Ariana, both smiling, and show it to her. Watch her dissolve in pure contradiction and anger. 1301.	Take away her rap music privileges 1302.	Bomb Iraq until Koko dies 1303.	Force her to listen to how she’s dead, until she believes it and actually dies. 1304.	Make her chow down on George W. Bush, and see her lies dissolve in beastiality-love. 1305.	Have Chuck Norris point at her and say "die" 1306.	Give her so many virgins her vision of heaven is realized and she implodes. 1307.	Take off her T-shirt and strangle her with it. 1308.	Throw her into the Kakahua Volcano in Hawaii 1309.	Let her be Kaiser Scott's bitch for the day 1310.	Force her to be an emo and cut herself to death 1311.	Use a jackhammer on her vagina and bore it out 1312.	Shove a pineapple up her ass 1313.	Make her shave all her fur, move her to Alaska and let coldness kick in, leading to cancerous frostbites and hypothermia, and finally she will become a Feline Popsicle,the children will eat her frozen skin and all will be forgiven. 1314.	Make her visit Romania and be consumed by the feline-sapiens. 1315.	Stake her through the heart and impale her on a silver cross. 1316.	Her chin is the window on her soul, so therefore shave her fur off and shove a small seasoned chicken in the portal...she will choke on the goodness of the chicken 1317.	Show her a picture of your mom 1318.	Set the Wine botller onto her. 1319.	Finally, she has in fact been sentenced to death by the FBI and CIA - to be pressed to death by the weight of 72 naked whores and the FBI has assembled a group of 72 to perform this act with some in reserve - 20,000lb bombs didn't kill her but maybe 10,000lb of bum will, there is also a reserve plan to suffocate her under Jennifer Lopez's butt although butt reduction surgery may have rendered this plan impractical. 1320.	Or just make her talk to Katie Racop for an hour....That will do the trick 1321.	Also make her perform an Alaskan Chili Dog on George Bush...Also very effective 1322.	Take away her kidney dialysis machine 1323.	Hand her a grue, then run like all hell as it chases after you after it had devoured Koko 1324.	Tie her up behind a cross country 18-wheeler 1325.	Send her into space on a giant penis... ohhh joyyyus fun, eyyyy, hiberdy. 1326.	Send her to the highlands of scotland, to fight Mark Terry to the death, eventually resulting in them both hurdling down Ben Nevis, twice. 1327.	Let her kill you then haunt her for the rest of her life as a poltergeist. 1328.	Wrap her in pig skin, deep fry in a large vat of pork lard, then serve the "pig in a blanket" to the dogs, American bulldogs please. 1329.	Jack Bauer; 'nuff said 1330.	Huff her 1331.	Lowering in Koko into a vat of acid, an inch an hour. 1332.	Putting her in a wine press, and seeing what comes out. 1333.	Throwing her into an oversized bread slicer, with a fine mist of hydrofluoric acid sprayed upon her. 1334.	Bury her up to her neck on the beach at low tide. 1335.	Bury her up to her neck in your yard, and run over her with the lawnmower! 1336.	Cat fur is flammable. 1337.	Ask her for help with your middle school work and when she skips along toward you, grab her and pour turpentine down her throat. 1338.	Tell her blood repels sharks. 1339.	Tell Nicole's father she abuses her. 1340.	Tell a big fat kid Koko will "morph" if you squeeze her hard enough. 1341.	Give her a yummy, delicious red apple, complete with razor. 1342.	Stick a chunk of plastic explosive to the back of her head, and watch her run around trying in vain to grab it and pull it off. 1343.	Electric chair pre-execution tester. 1344.	See how much current you can send through her before she gets toasted. 1345.	Substitute the cameras on the show with anti-matter accelerators. 1346.	Squeeze her into a large blender, then push "GRIND." More satisfying than "LIQUEFY." 1347.	Drown her in a waste treatment plant. 1348.	Point Jason Voorhees at her, then get out of the way. 1349.	Make her drink the ink of 40,000 Marsh 88 markers. 1350.	Combine the dandruff, fingernail dirt, earwax, navel lint, and armpit sweat of millions into a stew, then make her eat it. 1351.	Tell Michael Douglas that Koko swallowed the Hope Diamond. (visions of Romancing the Stone). 1352.	Put her in the Columbian soccer team and tell her that she must score in *those* goals. 1353.	Dress her up as a French nuclear physicist and put her on board GreenPeace's Rainbow Warrior II. 1354.	Cast her as the stunt double for the T-Rex who breaks through the high HIGH voltage fence in Jurassic Park (Who turned it up so much?). 1355.	Tell Koko theres Nicole around the corner,and when she comes round hack into her with a meachete!!! 1356.	Make her deliver the new Canadian budget to the angry college students (including me).